Hey Mike,
I hope you and the rest of the iwwb team are doing well. I have a question about helping those that seem to use people. Should we continually give whatever they ask regardless of their use of it; or should we have a tough love approach so as to teach responsibilty.   
Also when we give thanks before a meal shouldn’t we just give thanks and not ask for God’s blessing on the meal. It seems to me that asking is not giving and should be done in private. These things seem like they should be basic knowledge but I want to have a proper understanding of them.  I hope you can help me with this.    
May God bless all your efforts,  P____

Hi P____,
It is good to hear from you. Thank you for your questions. Your first question is:

“I have a question about helping those that seem to use people. Should we continually give whatever they ask regardless of their use of it; or should we have a tough love approach so as to teach responsibility.”

No, you have no obligation to let a user use you. Yes, Christ did say:

Mat 5:42  Give to him that asketh thee , and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away.

So if a known drunken bum asks you for the money to buy a hamburger, you ought never to use the fact that you know this man is an addict as an excuse to avoid giving him a hamburger.  But Mat 5:42 is not the sum of God’s Word on this subject. There are those who think it is, but it is not.
Mary’s alabaster box of ointment teaches us that we must also be selective with our charity. Here is the message of that story:

Gal 6:10  As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith.

Contrary to what Christ’s own apostles thought, Mary was commended for putting the body of Christ ahead of the poor:

Mat 26:6  Now when Jesus was in Bethany, in the house of Simon the leper,
Mat 26:7  There came unto him a woman having an alabaster box of very precious ointment, and poured it on his head, as he sat [ at meat].
Mat 26:8  But when his disciples saw [ it], they had indignation, saying, To what purpose [ is] this waste?
Mat 26:9  For this ointment might have been sold for much, and given to the poor.
Mat 26:10  When Jesus understood [ it], he said unto them, Why trouble ye the woman? for she hath wrought a good work upon me.
Mat 26:11  For ye have the poor always with you; but me ye have not always.
Mat 26:12  For in that she hath poured this ointment on my body, she did it for my burial.
Mat 26:13  Verily I say unto you, Wheresoever this gospel shall be preached in the whole world, there shall also this, that this woman hath done, be told for a memorial of her.

Christ’s whole life was dedicated to serving His ‘body.’ This story is in God’s Word for this very reason. The “memorial to Mary” is remembered when we help those who are a part of the body of Christ.
Am I denying that we ought to help those outside the body of Christ? Absolutely not. Am I saying that the body of Christ should come first? Yes I am, simply because that is what Christ taught us.
If you want to read more on this subject just type the words ‘alabaster box’ into the search box at the upper right corner of the iswasandwillbe. com home page.
Your second question was:

“When we give thanks before a meal shouldn’t we just give thanks and not ask for God’s blessing on the meal. It seems to me that asking is not giving and should be done in private.”

As always, Christ is our pattern. What did He do?

Mat 15:36  And he took the seven loaves and the fishes, and gave thanks, and brake them, and gave to his disciples, and the disciples to the multitude.

This is not the exception with Christ. It was the rule:

Mat 26:27  And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and gave [ it] to them, saying, Drink ye all of it;

As politically incorrect as it is to give thanks, it is nevertheless very scriptural. Look at what the apostle Paul did in the presence of nonbelievers:

Act 27:33  And while the day was coming on, Paul besought them[ the sailors and prisoners] all to take meat, saying, This day is the fourteenth day that ye have tarried and continued fasting, having taken nothing.
Act 27:34  Wherefore I pray you to take some meat: for this is for your health: for there shall not an hair fall from the head of any of you.
Act 27:35  And when he had thus spoken, he took bread, and gave thanks to God in presence of them all: and when he had broken it, he began to eat.
Act 27:36  Then were they all of good cheer, and they also took some meat.
Act 27:37  And we were in all in the ship two hundred threescore and sixteen souls.

This was not a public display on the part of Paul, it was rather a witness and encouragement to all 276 souls that this whole event was an act of God. This very public prayer was followed by Paul shaking off a serpent into the fire. Again a witness to all these Romans and prisoners that this Christian was indeed a man of God. This situation called for a public prayer. Paul was actually given charge of this situation by the Roman captain who had the charge of all those going to Rome as prisoners.
Parents ought to always “give thanks” at a meal. It is especially needed as an example for children, and there is nothing at all unscriptural about asking God to bless the food.
Look at what the churches were doing with Paul’s blessing:

1Co 10:30  For if I by grace be a partaker, why am I evil spoken of for that for which I give thanks?

Again:

1Co 14:16  Else when thou shalt bless with the spirit, how shall he that occupieth the room of the unlearned say Amen at thy giving of thanks, seeing he understandeth not what thou sayest?
1Co 14:17  For thou verily givest thanks well, but the other is not edified.

None of this is in opposition to Christ’s warning against praying long prayers for the purpose of being seen of men. Neither is there any contradiction with Christ’s admonition to do our personal prayers in our closets. Asking God’s blessing on our food and fellowship at meals and giving Him thanks for His daily bounty toward us is good, and it is scriptural.
I hope this helps you to see, in the answers to both of these questions, that what is in our hearts is what makes the difference in whether our actions or our prayers are received of God. God knows whether we are withholding help for the good of His glory or if we give help for the purpose of glorifying Him. He also knows whether we are praying as a humble and grateful son or daughter or whether we are praying to be seen of men.
Your brother in Christ,
Mike