Hi Mike,

Can I ask why is it important to put our wives above all things, apart from God, of course? The reason I ask is in [my country] a man who puts his wife before his mother is sometimes thought to have let a woman take him away. There is usually a negative feeling towards him. Please can you help me to see the importance of this.

Kindest regards, YBIC,
D____

Hi D____,

Thank you for this question. You asked:

“Why is it important to put our wives above all things, apart from God, of course? The reason I ask is in [my country] a man who puts his wife before his mother is sometimes thought to have let a woman take him away. There is usually a negative feeling towards him. Please can you help me to see the importance of this.”

I was not aware of that part of your culture, but Truth is the Truth in every culture and in every era. Truth is never relevant to anything or any certain time. Christ is the Truth, and He never changes regardless of the times or the circumstances:

Mat 24:35  Heaven and earth shall pass away, but my words shall not pass away.

Joh 17:17  Sanctify them through thy truth: thy word is truth.

Joh 14:6  Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.

Rom 3:4  God forbid: yea, let God be true, but every man a liar; as it is written, That thou mightest be justified in thy sayings, and mightest overcome when thou art judged.

Heb 13:8  Jesus Christ the same yesterday, and to day, and for ever. 

To answer your question in a way that you and others can properly understand why we are told to place our spouse above every other physical person on this earth, we must acknowledge that the marriage union typifies Christ and the church, and we must also understand that Christ’s words all have both a negative and a positive application.

Here is where we are told that the marriage union typifies our relationship with Christ:

Eph 5:30  For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.
Eph 5:31  For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.
Eph 5:32  This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Here are the scriptures that reveal that Christ, and therefore His Word, is a light to His people, but darkness to the world.

Exo 14:20  And it [the cloud, Christ] came between the camp of the Egyptians and the camp of Israel; and it was a cloud and darkness to them, but it gave light by night to these: so that the one came not near the other all the night.

Mat 13:10  And the disciples came, and said unto him, Why speakest thou unto them in parables?
Mat 13:11  He answered and said unto them, Because it is given unto you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it is not given. 
Mat 13:12  For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath. 
Mat 13:13  Therefore speak I to them in parables: because they seeing see not; and hearing they hear not, neither do they understand. 
Mat 13:14  And in them is fulfilled the prophecy of Esaias, which saith, By hearing ye shall hear, and shall not understand; and seeing ye shall see, and shall not perceive:

Rom 11:8  (According as it is written, God hath given them the spirit of slumber, eyes that they should not see, and ears that they should not hear;) unto this day.

Ephesians 5:31 tells us “for this cause”, that ’cause’ being that we are the flesh and bone of Christ. That phrase is lifted right out of the account of the first recorded marriage:

Gen 2:21  And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;
Gen 2:22  And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.
Gen 2:23  And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
Gen 2:24  Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

The reason I brought the light and darkness, positive and negative principles into this discussion is that in this particular situation where a new couple are beginning a new family, the old family, the old father and mother, typify the old world of our old man, and it is of utmost importance for the success of a marriage that the husband put his wife above all others – parents, children, or friends – and the wife must put her husband above her parents, children and her friends. Nothing must come between us and our Lord. But when that is the case, then our spouse has nothing to fear in this world, if the couple is of the same mind and place each other over all other physical persons.

I hope this helps you to understand why we are to put our mate over even our parents.

Your brother in the Christ,

Mike