Mike,

I confessed Christ as lord and savior at a very young age in our church, I believe 4th grade. I would tell people in my 20’s and 30’s I believed in the bible, but I wouldn’t call myself a Christian. I didn’t want people to look at Christianity through my life; a bit self-righteous I suppose, but I believed I was doing right. I forgot about Christian life needless to say, and grew into a life of indulging flesh and every sin I can think of.

Probably 2 years ago, I was reading the bible again and had a moment where I cried out to God. I felt I was on the right track in my walk with the Lord. Before long though, I’m right back where I was as a sinner. Then about 3 months ago on a Sunday, I have an urge to start reading Bible again, and all these sinful urges just stopped in me.

I’m also reminded of Peter talking about a dog returning to its vomit, second state worse than first, and it would have been better for that person to have not known the truth than to forsake the Holy commandment given him. I had things happen I’m not going to go into that I tie into all this. Did I commit apostasy? Am I the dog that returned to its vomit and is doomed? I have a fear of God in me and a view of sin that was missing my whole life.

Anyhow, I feel like I’m seeing the gospel really clear as being much watered down, but I’m hoping I’m seeing it wrong out of arrogance. Since my ordeal recently, like a hypocrite, I see people who have no fear of God, only view a God of abundant grace. I read in scripture about a Holy God that eventually stops listening to the prayers of people who don’t live in obedience, and destroys them. I realize God is a God of love, mercy and grace who abundantly pardons. But based on the order of events and how they’ve been presented to me, I wonder if I crossed the line of Hebrews 10:26. And please don’t tell me that it only applies to Hebrew Christians at the time going back to Judaism. I believe scripture says “if we” continue sinning willfully, if you assume Paul wrote Hebrews, then that would include himself as a believer in the statement. This isn’t a comfortable passage, but it’s one I wish somebody would have preached to me over and over as a new believer. One minister said God might be warning me. Why would God warn me at a time when my life is as clean as it’s ever been? Anyhow, this is my story, so please tell me what you think.

Thanks,

M____

Hi M____,

You ask me to “tell me what you think” of your story, so I will do that. What I think is that “man [that includes you and me], shall… live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” (Mat 4:4). Your story demonstrates the truth of those words, as do the stories of all whom God drags to Himself:

Joh 6:44  No man [you, me or anyone else] can come to me, except the Father which hath sent me draw [Greek: helkuō, ‘drag’ against his will] him: and I will raise him up at the last day.

Joh 15:16  Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit should remain: that whatsoever ye shall ask of the Father in my name, he may give it you.

Rom 9:11  (For the children being not yet born, neither having done any good or evil, that the purpose of God according to election might stand, not of works, but of him that calleth😉 
Rom 9:12  It was said unto her, The elder shall serve the younger.
Rom 9:13  As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. 
Rom 9:14  What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid.
Rom 9:15  For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion.
Rom 9:16  So then it is not of him that willeth, nor of him that runneth, but of God that sheweth mercy.

Rom 9:18  Therefore hath he mercy on whom he will have mercy, and whom he will he hardeneth. 
Rom 9:19  Thou wilt say then unto me, Why doth he yet find fault? For who hath resisted his will?
Rom 9:20  Nay but, O man, who art thou that repliest against God? Shall the thing formed say to him that formed it, Why hast thou made me thus?
Rom 9:21  Hath not the potter power over the clay, of the same lump to make one vessel unto honour, and another unto dishonour?

What I think of your testimony is that God is demonstrating to you the truth of these words:

Jer 18:4  And the vessel that he made of clay was marred in the hand of the potter: so he made it again another vessel, as seemed good to the potter to make it.
Jer 18:5  Then the word of the LORD came to me, saying,
Jer 18:6  O house of Israel, cannot I do with you as this potter? saith the LORD. Behold, as the clay is in the potter’s hand, so are ye in mine hand, O house of Israel.

If God gives you the eyes to see, you will know that “live by every word that proceeds out of the mouth of God” includes the verse you so fear:

Heb 10:26  For if we sin wilfully after that we have received the knowledge of the truth, there remaineth no more sacrifice for sins,
Heb 10:27  But a certain fearful looking for of judgment and fiery indignation, which shall devour the adversaries.

You would also know that there is not a man in the world, other than Christ, who has not “sinned willfully after having received the knowledge of the Truth”. Peter and all the apostles denied Christ by forsaking Him after saying they would never do so, and Paul tells us this about all of us:

Rom 7:17  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:18  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: [We are “marred in the Potter’s hand”  (Jer 18:4)] for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.
Rom 7:19  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.
Rom 7:20  Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.
Rom 7:21  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.
Rom 7:22  For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:
Rom 7:23  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.
Rom 7:24  O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?
Rom 7:25  I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord. So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

I think this is exactly what you are experiencing, just as I and all other humans experience being “marred in the hand of the Potter”. We sin because of how God created us – “naked… of the dust… sinful flesh and blood… no good thing… in me.”

You will also come to know that “when we are judged in the “judgment and fiery indignation” of Hebrews 10:26-27, that judgment will accomplish what all judgment is intended to accomplish, which is:

1Co 11:32  But when we are judged, we are chastened of the Lord, that we should not be condemned with the world.

While there is indeed a judgment, which is “fiery indignation”, it is still “judgment”, and someday you will know that it is that “fiery judgment… the lake of fire”, God’s elect, who will be used by God to save all men of all time:

Isa 33:14  The sinners in Zion are afraid; fearfulness hath surprised the hypocrites. Who among us shall dwell with the devouring fire? Who among us shall dwell with everlasting burnings?

Who is it among us who dwells comfortably in the devouring fire of Hebrews 10:26-27? Who among us will dwell with the everlasting burnings of that “devouring fire”? Here is the answer, and it is not what you have be told in the church of you were in. Here is who dwells comfortably in the devouring fire and the everlasting burnings:

Isa 33:15  He that walketh righteously, and speaketh uprightly; he that despiseth the gain of oppressions, that shaketh his hands from holding of bribes, that stoppeth his ears from hearing of blood, and shutteth his eyes from seeing evil;

The “fire” of scripture is not literal flames. When Christ spoke of entering into life with one foot, one eye or one hand, He was not speaking of having literally crippled spiritual bodies, and neither was He speaking of literal physical flames of fire. This is the fire of all scripture when it speaks of judgment and the chastening of all judgment:

Jer 5:14  Wherefore thus saith the LORD God of hosts, Because ye speak this word, behold, I will make my words in thy mouth fire, and this people wood, and it shall devour them.

That is exactly what Christ told us will be the fire that will judge all men, now and in the lake of fire:

Joh 12:48  He that rejecteth me, and receiveth not my words, hath one that judgeth him: the [fiery] word that I have spoken, the same shall judge him in the last day.

What you need to know is that every time you see the words ‘for ever, for ever and ever, everlasting, eternal, or eternity” in the scriptures, the Greek word behind those English words is either the Greek noun ‘aion‘ (an age) or the Greek adjective form of ‘aion‘ which is ‘aionios‘. What that means is that “everlasting punishment” and “eternal torment” are just God’s aionian “fiery indignation” which will burn up all that can be burned up and will at the same time purify and cleanse every man, just as the apostle Paul tells us concerning all the “wood, hay and stubble” of your life.

1Co 3:12  Now if any man build upon this foundation gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, stubble;
1Co 3:13  Every man’s work shall be made manifest: for the day shall declare it, because it shall be revealed by fire; and the fire shall try every man’s work of what sort it is.
1Co 3:14  If any man’s work abide which he hath built thereupon, he shall receive a reward.
1Co 3:15  If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire [Either the “fire” of 1Peter 4:12-17 or the fire of Revelation 20:14].
1Co 3:16  Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?
1Co 3:17  If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

1Pe 4:12  Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you:
1Pe 4:13  But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.
1Pe 4:14  If ye be reproached for the name of Christ, happy are ye; for the spirit of glory and of God resteth upon you: on their part he is evil spoken of, but on your part he is glorified.
1Pe 4:15  But let none of you suffer as a murderer, or as a thief, or as an evildoer, or as a busybody in other men’s matters.
1Pe 4:16  Yet if any man suffer as a Christian, let him not be ashamed; but let him glorify God on this behalf.
1Pe 4:17  For the time is come that judgment must begin at the house of God: and if it first begin at us, what shall the end be of them that obey not the gospel of God? [God’s fiery judgment will continue in the lake of fire upon those who are not the first to be judged]
1Pe 4:18  And if the righteous scarcely be saved, where shall the ungodly and the sinner appear? [They will appear in a later, less desirable judgment, the judgment of the great white throne (Rev 20:11) where the righteous of Isaiah 33:14-15 will use the fire in their mouths to judge all men of all time].

Rev 20:11  And I saw a great white throne, and him that sat on it, from whose face the earth and the heaven fled away; and there was found no place for them.
Rev 20:12  And I saw the dead, small and great, stand before God; and the books were opened: and another book was opened, which is the book of life: and the dead were judged out of those things which were written in the books, according to their works.
Rev 20:13  And the sea gave up the dead which were in it; and death and hell delivered up the dead which were in them: and they were judged every man according to their works.
Rev 20:14  And death and hell were cast into the lake of fire [Isa 33:14-15]. This is the second death.
Rev 20:15  And whosoever was not found written in the book of life was cast into the lake of fire [Jer 5:14].

For a much more in-depth study of Heb 10:26-27 please read this link:

http://www.iswasandwillbe.com/Judgment_Follows_The_Impossible.php

I am not certain you meant to send this to me, but I know God meant for you to send this to me.

Eph 1:9  Having made known unto us the mystery of his will, according to his good pleasure which he hath purposed in himself: 
Eph 1:10  That in the dispensation of the fulness of times he might gather together in one all things in Christ, both which are in heaven, and which are on earth; even in him:
Eph 1:11  In whom also we have obtained an inheritance, being predestinated according to the purpose of him who worketh all things after the counsel of his own will:

You asked what I thought of your testimony, and I must say that it sounds like God’s fiery word is performing its intended function of burning out all the wood, hay and stubble, in your life just as it has in my own life. I have suffered the loss of all my old man ever wanted, and through the fiery death of my old man I myself am being saved.

1Co 3:15  If any man’s work shall be burned, he shall suffer loss: but he himself shall be saved; yet so as by fire

Your brother in the Christ who is working all things after the counsel of His own will,

Mike